cumslut

God forbid I be happy about something

Do you ever just not feel good

Welp that’s it. I have no car, no money fr fixing other things with my car, no job, and no will to live

I’m not sure anyone cares, but I was able to get back in my house. Now something is wrong with my computer and it won’t boot. Please just let me die already God.

I’m going to kill myself

I mean let’s be honest, would anyone really miss me?

Someone please kill me so I don’t have to

I don’t think I miss Cezar like I used to anymore, but what I do miss is feeling like I have friends.

I definitely have friends. There’s no question to it. Hell after everything I’ve done my yugioh friends don’t hate me. Easley I think isn’t in a great place and is also very busy all the time. Kyle does his best but between work and shooting competitions he’s pretty busy too.

But all the time I sit and cry like a dumb fucking idiot because I’m lonely and sad.

I miss everyone else too. When Cezar decided he was done with me being a dumb manipulative asshole to him Brett, Diana, Tim (for the most part), and just about everyone in that group cut me off too.

It really makes me think sometimes that they all felt the same as Cezar did, obviously not for the whole time they knew me.

I will admit that a year ago(God has it only been 1 year?) I was a real piece of human garbage, but I think what hurts the most is that they just don’t want to try anymore. Cezar gave Sabastian another chance, so he must have really bad feelings towards me to not be willing to have any communication whatsoever with me. I don’t really blame him, I just wish I could change his mind.

Sometimes I wonder if, assuming he knew and was able financially, would he come to my funeral? And I know the answer is no. It just hurts.

Ily friends and if we used to be friends and you’re reading this please know I still care about you even if you don’t want anything to do with me anymore.